On February 3, 2014, just over two years ago, I rebranded this blog and named it Freckled. I had great plans for it. I was going to make it big, happening, and imperfectly beautiful. Over the next few months and years, my excitement petered out as I floated about trying to figure out exactly what my blogging goals were.
I found myself with big dreams but uncertain of the concrete steps I wanted to take to reach them. Was this a style blog? Was it a DIY blog? Was it a philosophical writing blog?
I trudged along, confused about what I wanted and where I was going. Until, at long last, my life took a rather unexpected turn and blogging was the furthest thing from my mind.
In August of 2014, we moved to the other side of the world, Taiwan. We interviewed for positions, were hired, packed up our apartment, moved, and immediately started teaching all within the space of a week. It was a gruelling but exciting time as we adjusted to a new country, new friends, and new careers. We were exhausted at the end of each day, unaware of just how jet lagged we were until several months in when we finally began to wake up.
I’m a planner. During my 20s, I’ve made many plans that have constantly been readjusted as life changed them. I used to imagine I would be married by 21. I was married at 23 (still quite young, I know!). I also imagined, for some strange reason, that I would have all my kids by age 25. When I got married at 23, I realized how foolish an idea this was and decided I wanted to at least have my first child by 25. I’m 27 now. As many of my blog readers know, I am a mother but not in the way I expected and not when I expected. My plans have changed once again.
My planning mania has many advantages. I can create and stick to a budget. I mapped out the blueprint for major life changes in our marriage (such as moving overseas). I can keep big groups, whether children or adults, on track during trips and events. I check train times, opening times, itineraries, and routes, and I keep them all organized in my mind, ready to pull out at a moment’s notice.
My planning mania also has many disadvantages, too. When my plans fall through or aren’t as clear as I would like, I freeze. I don’t know how to act without a crystal idea of where I am going. That’s what happened with this blog.
I’m a control freak, but it’s a subtle kind of control freak. I’m content with letting many things be disorganized and haywire, but when I choose to focus on something, I want it perfect. God is constantly turning things upside down on me and reminding me that perfection really isn’t on the agenda. I’m nothing apart from him. What’s more, his thoughts are not my thoughts and his ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8). He’s got his own plan for me up his sleeve. When I planned out my life at 21, I never imagined that 5 years down the line, I would move to Taiwan. I’m not sure I even knew it existed! But here I am. Plans are a good thing, but sometimes, we have to let go in order for even better things to happen.
In that vein, I’ve decided to let go with this blog. I don’t know where it will take me or what it will end up looking like in 5 years (if I’m still blogging by then), but I’m OK with that, or at least I’m going to try to be ok with it. I’m ready to start trudging away at this blog again. Yes, I have plans and ideas, but I’m also ready to go with the flow and see what happens. This blog is my crazy, disorganized, imperfect, and somehow beautiful journey. I hope you enjoy coming along for the ride.